God is Good.

So last week wasn't the best of weeks for me. First, I had conflict with a co-worker based on a professional decision we made that she did not agree with. She "went on record" with my boss, the building principal, and my supervisor. The situation was blown way out of proportion because she did not agree with the decision made by a colleague of mine that I also supported. Let's just say it was a big mess. Then I had a session with one of my students that was really rough. Not a lot of people truly understand how horribly stressful and emotionally draining my job is. I don't just meet with and "talk" to kids. I carry the burdens of each of these children. I've heard stories that make you want to cry, things that you cannot imagine children enduring on a regular basis. I have to listen, empathize, and teach. As I am listening to what they are saying I have to look for the underlying themes to try to figure out what they are really saying, why they are saying the things they are saying and NOT the things they aren't saying but they mean, why they are acting the way they are, and THEN figure out how to bring them around towards growth, change, and self realization. My brain is working on like five different levels all in one conversation. It's really tiring. That is why I really spend a lot of time praying for my sessions, that God will show me the things that I miss, that he will give me wisdom, discernment, and the words to help these kids. So we got to the heart of one my student's issues, and because he does not trust people and does not believe that he is worth being cared about...he freaked out on me. He began to push me away, to prove to me that he is unloveable, to show me just how horrible a person he is, to hurt me before I could have a chance to hurt him. He's had 16 years of practice, and he very aggressively attacked my soul. He said things about he just uses me to get out of class, that he pretends to like me, that I'm weak for letting him treat me the way he was, that I don't know him or care about him because it's just my job and I only sit with a fake smile and pretend. That every time I saw him from now on he would make my life hell and that I would go home crying. There was a lot more, but that is the jist. I took it all in stride, made it through the session, and sent him back to class. It was the end of the day...........I made it to my car and just began to sob. I cried because my heart ached for this student, my heart hurt because he'd hurt my feelings, I was tired and every ounce of strength was gone, my head hurt from trying to think through how to respond properly in the midst of my overwhelmingly sad emotions, and I cried and cried. I wept so hard that when I called my mom to pray for me I could hardly speak. If you know me well you know that the situation must have been pretty horrible to bring me to this. AND nothing makes a day like that better than getting on a bus full of middle school volleyball players and heading to a game that is 45 minutes away. It was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad, day.

Fastforward.......today is the day that I am to meet with the student again, if he'll even come to my office. I prayed that God would help me to be wise and to handle the situation well. God gave me a bit of a gift and instead of having to worry all day about the 2-3 oclock session with the hurtful student I got a surprise. My new netbook came in this morning! One reason to like Obama, he gave the schools lots of money to help special ed students = Becca got a new netbook. It's AWESOME and mine to use as long as I am in my job. Did I mention it's green??? And smaller than a sheet of paper? Then an hour later I got flowers from my husband with a card that said he was thinking about me and praying for my day. I met with the student and he asked for my forgiveness and apologized for the hurtful words. Even though it's cold and rainy, today was a good day, full of blessings to keep me going....and tonight I get to watch Jim marry his best friend Pam. It is truly amazing how God can take a day that you are dreading and show you throughout the course of the day that He cares, that He loves you, and that everything is gonna be ok.